Relationships usually start well. Both partners treat each other with love and respect. Then something happens to you or your partner and you get angry. When you’re mad at someone, you can’t be in the same place with that person. There is a huge gap between you and the other person you’re angry at. Soon, you get angry again and get more distance between you. When this cycle continues, it increase the distance. As time goes on, the distance grows and the love is buried beneath the anger.

Eventually, the gap is so big that you feel uncomfortable. It looks like you just do not like this person any more, but the love that was present in the midst of your relationship never vanishes completely. It is simply buried. As the distance increases, you become defensive, critical and quick to anger. Anger becomes more frequent, more difficult, so you’re constantly feeding the gap. Soon the dream from which the relationship started out, turns into a nightmare.

This scenario happens in most relationships. They start out wonderful and then go downhill. When the relationship finally ends in flames and we start a new relationship, the process begins again. If you want to avoid that in your relationships, you need to learn how to remove the distance. This is key in maintaining high love and affection throughout the relationship Communication is usually the most effective way to remove the distance. When you get angry, say what you’re concerned about. Get it out of your heart and be done with it.

When you communicate your anger, it loses power. The distance is gone, your frustration is solved and the experience of love can come back. Look at times in your life when you were angry and instead of keeping it to yourself, you’ve talked about it. Notice what happened after you’ve let that anger out of your system. It’s gone. Now watch what happened to the gap. It’s gone too.

Communication is the answer to a healthy relationship. It removes the distance and restores peace of mind. Unfortunately, communication as we learned early in life, tends to create even more distance, instead of removing it. Instead of trying to solve the problem and recover love, we tend to rapidly turn it into blame, accusations, attacking, being right, or trying to change the other person. Once you start to walk this way, you put the other person on the defensive side. This person then gets angry himself and fight to protect him or herself, it’s one of our basic instincts. Then you get even more anger. Without knowing, you fuel the fight and create more distance.

Indeed, passing through arguments like that will teach you it is not well to communicate your anger. It’s easier just to keep it inside. Well, the problem is the media not your anger, it’s how you communicate your anger. If you really want to eliminate the distance from your relationship, you have to communicate without creating more anger and frustration.

The way to do this is by making your communication non threatening to the other person. Do not give them anything to be defensive about, make sure it is safe for the other person to listen to what you want to say. Communicate for the sole purpose of eliminating the distance and restore love and balance in the relationship. Do not communicate to accuse, blame, attack, to be right, or to change someone. Take responsibility for what happened and for your anger and don’t blame the other person, unless you specifically want an argument. The best way to communicate a problem is to find the pain under your anger and try to explain it your partner.

Instead of blaming and accusing “What is your problem?” “Why did you do this?” try to say, “What you have done made me sad. I feel pain” Put all the attention on yourself and not about what the other person had done.

Besides, it’s your anger. When you blame others for your anger, you get to save it. When you take full responsibility for your anger, you can release it.

So what you have to ask yourself is: What are you really committed? Are you committed to removing the gap between you and your partner and restore love into your relationship, or are you committed to blaming, attacking, being right and change your partner?

It’s your choice. You can have someone that resist you or you can have a partner, you can’t have both. If you are committed to removing the gap in your relationship, there is much you can do. You can start by finding the reason for the distance and remove it through healthy communication.

Filed under: Get Your Girl Back

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